Monday, March 17, 2014

"Ok, Let's Be Honest..." - Letter, March 17, 2014

Let's be Honest. I didn't sign up for this. I didn't sign up to have my heart beat up like this. And yet, this mission is the most rewarding thing I have ever done. I have never understood the Atonement on such a clear level, nor relied on the Savior more. No, I did not sign up for this, but honestly, I am glad I did.

This week has been a roller coaster. First, I got to go to the temple. It was so amazing to be there, with people I love very much, and to be able to have the clutter and confusion fall away, and to just feel the peace that was present. I have missed that so much. I don't know how people can knowingly go without the blessings of the temple. There is nothing like it in the world. It is a place of safety and refuge, and the Lord is very much present. As missionaries, we are trained to prepare people to be doing baptisms for the dead within 3 months of baptism, and being endowed a year after baptism. I think that shows the importance. The temple location doesn't matter so much as the blessings.

The next thing that made life insane was trying to prepare Sharon for her baptism on Saturday. She was so ready. And she had problems remembering things, but by Thursday night for her interview, she had so much fire to baptized, she was remembering things. Thing was, her brother died that morning, and she was going to do it for him. She was going to make it happen.

And then a hiccup. Friday night, we got a call from her husband, telling us that he was not going to let us baptize her into our church. When we talked to her, she said she didn't want to fight with her husband, and that he said he would take her to another church. She sounded so hurt and broken, but she didn't know what to do. Like I said before, she is very childlike. She doesn't really know how to be her own person. We even tried to go see them to be able to talk to him. He told us to leave or he would call the police. So we left. It broke my heart. That first night, I was so angry at him. I hated him. And then the next day, when I came out of shock a little, I realized that I should be angry at Satan. He knew he couldn't get Sharon. She was determined. So he got to her through other people.

Because of this experience, I realized, in miniscule measure, how the Savior feels when we don't get to be with Him. How it must have hurt Him, in the Garden, for Sharon's sake, at least. And I guess, how he felt for me, as I was hurting for her. I can't say that I know exactly how it felt, but I can say that I understand what the scriptures mean when they tell us to bear the crosses of the world. It hurts, and I am still very sad, but I am more determined than ever to find and baptize more children. Satan may have won this battle, but he WILL NOT win the war. And even then, he won't have Sharon. She accepted it. Therefore, she will have access to His mercy. Things will be made right because everything that is unfair will be made right through the Atonement.

I have learned a lot this week. And it's been very painful. But it's worth is. It is all worth it. Heavenly Father knew I was strong enough for this, and so He sent me at this time to this place. He is there with me, and I have but to only turn to Him, and things are made right, one way or another. I know it. I know that God lives, and so does His Son. I know that I am a chosen daughter of God. There is no knowledge more valued to me than this. I say this in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen

Love, Sister Worthen

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