Monday, October 28, 2013
"Head Banging" - Letter, October 28, 2013
So, there have been a few moments this past week where I just
want to bang my head into the wall, because that might feel better than real life.
Not really, but it has been a long week.
1. Judy: So on Monday evening, we left for Hamilton, about 30
min. away for exchanges with our Sister Training Leader. Our first night there,
her sister sent us a message at about 11:45 and told us that Judy is missing. I
didn't find out until morning, but at that point, I was freaking out. I didn't know
what was going on, or where she went, or anything. So anyway, on Wednesday, after
we came back from Hamilton, we went to her boyfriend's house to see if she was there.
She was. Mahhhh!!!! Anyway, we met up with her on Friday and had a good lesson.
We read from Alma 27. I love that chapter. The people of Ammon are my favorite group
in the Book of Mormon. Anyway, if you read it, it is her story so much. But ya,
she is doing 'ok'. We are just kind of at a standstill as to where to get her moved
to. Blah
2. Brianna: She broke my heart last night. She went to Indiana
last week to get her dad to give her permission. He told her that he wanted her
to think about it some more. He didn't say no, but he didn't say yes. So we had
a lesson with her and we talked about prophets and then we talked about baptism.
She asked if she could be frank with us and told us that the she doesn't feel ready,
and that she can't set a goal because she won't be ready by that goal. I told her
that if she won't, not can't, work toward it, she won't be ready. Mah. That drives
me nuts. If you won't work toward a goal, then how can you be ready?! You can't.
I didn't yell that at her like I was inside my head. Hahahah. But anyway, it broke
my heart because she doesn't to work toward a goal, and she doesn't want to talk
about baptism anymore because the more we push, the harder she pulls. And the thing
is, every time we talk about it, we feel the spirit so strong. I kinda feel like
she is waiting for neon light in the sky telling her it's time. I don't mean to
bash on her, I am just expressing how I feel. I love her so much that it kills me.
I know what Heavenly Father feels for her, on a much smaller scale because I would
explode if I felt all His love for her, but I want her to understand how amazing
and wonderful she is. So I just want to hit my head against something hard. Dad
always told me that if I had pain, he would injure me somewhere else. That would
make the first one go away. Hahahahah (My dad is not psychotic or cruel) But I love
her so much it hurts, and I just want to stop hurting and feel only love and peace.
I have a long 14 months ahead of me. Hahahah
I don't know what else to say. It has been a long and interesting
week. I love so much the people around me that sometimes, I am afraid I might explode.
There are moments when I want to hit my head on something or punch the wall or scream
at the top of my lungs. And then there are the wonderful moments when all is well,
and I know that I am doing the right thing. I know that God hears our prayers. When
we do what is right and when we do so know that God will bless us, we are given
so much. God does know us, and He knows what we need. I know these things in the
Name of Jesus Christ, Amen
Love, Sister Worthen
Monday, October 21, 2013
"Roller Coaster" - Letter, October 21, 2013
I have found that life as a missionary is much like a roller
coaster. For some strange reason, people say it's fun, and that you will love it,
and it can be and you will at times...but there are those moments when you realize
how crazy you are for getting on this ride. You experience highs and lows, whiplash
and nausea. But in the end, you always want to get back in that seat and strap yourself
in again.
1. Judy: I will start with her today because she is on my mind
most this morning. Things have been going great...sorta. We found out last week
that she has a place to live. Her grandpa just signed a house over to her sister,
and her sister said that her and the kids can come live with her. We were ecstatic
about that. On Sunday (last week) we fasted with her and a member that she would
find a place to live. She told us about this wonderful new development on Tuesday.
Friday, we saw her and she said she is going to move out that night...but it didn't
happen that way. Her boyfriend is a complete freak, and I say that because I can't
use the kind of words I would like. He is so controlling and manipulative. He lives
with his mommy, and is addicted to heroin. So when she tried to leave, it just went
downhill. Judy's ex/daughter's daddy is around and last night he went in and took
his little girl, Savanna, but Judy is still there. Sister Savage and I feel like
she is about ready to leave, but she is going to have to do it on her own. Her sister
is trying to help, and Connor, her ex, is trying to help, but we feel that what
it is really going to come down to is her own strength and her reliance on the Savior.
We know that she is strong, and when she leaves, it will be for real this time,
but it won't be until the time is right. That's another thing I am learning here.
There are times when you have to push through all the obstacles, and at other times,
wait and walk around them when it's right to do so. So anyway, we are just waiting
for word. I wanna go in there and take Brother Benton, who a big guy who would just
love to put Daniel in his place. But I know that it's not the time for her to be
out. When it's time, it will be time. I am worried, but not to the point that I'm
forgetting to trust in the Lord.
2. Me: I am learning so much about myself. I am learning how
to control my temper. That's a good thing for me. Before, I had a temper. Make me
mad enough, and watch out. But I don't even get angry like I used to. It's been
so strange to me. Don't get me wrong, I get mad, but not in the same way. I have
more patience with others, and more love for them. I am learning about service,
and how much love for the person being served it can bring me. I am learning that
God and Christ can heal my wounds more fully than any Band-Aid or sad country song.
I am learning how to rely on the Savior, and what the Atonement really means. There
have been so many times where I know that I can't do something without His strength
and His love and His help. There are moments when I want to quit, to go back to
Ferron. But then comes the resilience that I could not muster by myself.
3. Other Things: So, we haven't had a whole lot of luck with
our investigators this week. It has been really weird here, or actually all over.
A lot of us have just been feeling out of it, like we are waiting for something,
but nothing changes. So, I will tell you about some of the members. First off, the
Loquillanos (Low-key-an-o): they are awesome. Eric has been a member his whole life,
but has been active on and off most of his life. He has been a carnie, and he played
the accordion very well. His wife, Amy, was raised Catholic, and she had nuns for
aunts that would come over for holidays and get drunk, which she never liked. They
love missionaries, and are amazing people. They are laid back and hilarious. I am
so excited to come back and talk to them after my mission.
And then there are the Bentons. They also love missionaries.
Greg went on a mission to the Navajo Reservation, and he loves talking about it.
He is a big guy and he can be a little intimidating. We told Judy that if she needs
his help, he would love to help. But he loves talking about the work. He truly understands
how to help the missionaries. If he had room in his home, he would allow the missionaries
to live there in his house. His wife is just as awesome. Neither of them will put
up with any crap from people, and they are not afraid to discipline missionaries.
They have put a few in their place. So, I need to keep obedient, if not for the
work, just to avoid their wrath. Hahahaha. Not really, on my part, but really they
would put me in my place if I stepped out of line.
Well, I will tell you more about the branch later.
4. Testimony: I have seen miracles and monstrosities. I have
been witness to the Power of God and the captivity of the Devil. And each time that
one or the other comes to the front, I cannot help but turn to my God. Only He can
help me. Satan does nothing but drag us down to the gulf of misery and endless woe.
I know that God will uplift me and those whom I meet. He knows how to succor His
people, and He will bless me to know how to do that as well. I KNOW that exact obedience
cannot do anything but bring us closer to Christ. We MUST keep the Sabbath Day holy.
We MUST follow the Word of Wisdom. We MUST listen to the prophets when they speak,
for they speak with the tongues of angels, which is by the power of the Holy Ghost.
I know that as people live the commandments, they are blessed with peace, love,
harmony with one another and God, and with the strength that they need to endure
to the end. I know these things in the Name of my Savior, my Redeemer, my strength
and guide, Amen.
Love, Sister Worthen
Monday, October 14, 2013
"Learning" - Letter, October 14, 2013
Ok, so this week has been a great
week as far as learning new things. We have both learned a few things that have
been very helpful to us.
1. Deer DON'T Stop: Last night we
went to a less active's home. We love the Rednours. They live way out in the
sticks. In fact, they live the farthest away from us. But on our way home, it
was dark. I was on the phone with our district leaders getting ready to tell
them our numbers for the week. I saw a deer running toward the road. I said,
"Deer!" But she kept going. She didn't slow down. Then the deer hit
the side of the car. She screamed, and then said, "I thought it would
stop!" I got off the phone with my poor district leader who had heard all
of this. And then I busted up laughing. Deer don't stop for cars. She learned
that one real fast. And then she proceeded to speed home. The car is dented,
but not broken.
2. Judy: Judy is doing ok. I can
tell she is getting tired. I would be too if I was in that situation. I don't
know how she does it. Honestly, I would lose my mind if I was stuck with people
that I didn't want to live with. Ok, I have had that experience, and I almost
did go crazy. But I had ways to escape. She doesn't. She is stuck there. The
car doesn't work most of the time, she has two little kids, and since the
government shut down, she has absolutely no income. Oh, and she can't get a
hold of the lady who was going to get her into housing. So she has no options
right now. But she has decided to get a job. She is has applied to a bunch of
places, and is going to continue until she gets a job. Yesterday we fasted
for her, but I don't know what will happen. We are afraid that it will be more
than she can handle right now. I don't think it will be, but there is always
that fear in the back of my mind. I pray for her all the time. With her, I am
learning patience and long-suffering.
3. Brianna: I finally figured it
out!!! I know why now is not the time. Her grandpa is the branch mission
leader. We have to go to him because he has a special needs son that is hard to
handle. So anyway, we get there and he's not home, but is will be shortly. We
talked to his wife for a while. We got on the subject of Brianna and asked her
how that situation might be able to change. What she thought would help. And as
we were talking, it hit me. She is ready. Her mom is not. For the first time in
20+ years, she is reading the Book of Mormon. For the first time, she is
praying. For the first time, her testimony is being kindled. So, as we talked,
I began to understand that what Brianna needs is for her mom to be in the right
place. I don't think it will be her coming back to church yet, but she Shari is
ready, things will happen really fast. And I wouldn't have been able to get
that revelation without Sister Baier. So with Brianna, I am learning that it's
not always the person, but the people around them.
4. Service: We have been challenged
by our STL (Sister Training Leader) to serve at least one member a day. We have
tried this and found that as we do so, as well as other things, that we are
seeing the Spirit work more here. We randomly had a member call us and tell us
that she'd found a guy who's girlfriend at Duke is a member. They are both from
Malawi? who said he might like to meet with us sometime. So, just by showing
our love and devotion to God's children, we are being directed to more of his
Children. I've leaned that service can make all the difference.
I have learned here in Oxford it's
not always about finding people and then teaching them everything in 3 sit
downs, and then baptizing them. It's about patience, and love, and
sucking-it-up when it hurts. It's about relying on the Lord, and not being
focused on the numbers. It's about serving the members every day, and working
with them. Helping them to understand how to do missionary work. It's about
having love, a pure love, from Heavenly Father for everyone you meet. After
about 3 weeks of being here, I could not go down the street without seeing
people in white. That came from a pure love. I want that back, and the above is
how I will make it happen. I know that as we keep His commandments, ALL OF
THEM, we are blessed. We learn, we grow, and eventually, we can become exalted.
I love this Gospel, and I love
teaching it. There is nothing better. I say this in the Name of Jesus Christ,
Amen.
Love, Sister Worthen
Monday, October 7, 2013
"Miraculous!!! (Say it in French, it sounds better)" - Letter, October 7, 2013
Ok, this has been a long week. I
have been going through a spiritual growth, I hope, and have learned some
things that I needed to hear.
1.) Coarse as Salt: We went on
exchanges this week with my Sister Training Leader. They are kind of like zone
leaders, but for sisters. Anyway, I got to go to a lesson with Sister Green. It
was really cool to watch her teach. She is so relaxed and she had so much fun. I
learned a lot from her. The lesson that we went to is actually the one I called
Brazil in my last letter. Her name is April, and she lives with her son and her
boyfriend. They seem really into the Gospel. April really prepared for the
Gospel. She had so many questions that we helped answer. I am so glad about
that.
But the other thing that she told me
is to lighten up. I guess I have had a hard time being relaxed here. I don't
want to allow any 'weaknesses' come through, so I hide them by being all tough
and rough. She told me that I come off as coarse. Five months ago, I would have
smiled if someone told me that. Strange, I know. But I would have. I would have
accepted that as proof that I am not girly and petty, and whatever else. Don't
ask why. But I did realize that I need to relax. I can be tough. But I don't
have to be terse. I can be bold, but not bleak. I can show my love and
enthusiasm without having to be the harsh person that I can be. Elder
Christofferson mentioned a quote about how the world needs less coarse women,
and more kind women. I am fiercely loyal, kind, generous, and sweet. But here,
I have overlooked the fact that while some of those things can be weaknesses,
when taken advantage of, can also be strengths. And my problem is that I am
afraid of that side of myself. So, I am going to try to be more kind and less
coarse. We will see how it happens.
2.) Judy!!!: So, this week has been
great for her. She came to a lesson at the church, and as soon as she
walked in, I could see how amazing she was. I can tell a huge physical
difference in her from the time we met her until now. She has grown so much and
has come so close tot he Savior. And guess what! She found an organization that
will get her free housing, and very likely a car, within a week to two
weeks!!!! That was our fast on last Sunday, and when we heard that, we were so
excited for her. Also, there is a slight chance that she might be able to move
in this week, which would mean getting baptized this weekend!!!!! We need all
the prayers we can get brothers and sisters. She is ready. She is so ready, and
we just need this one last thing. Oh, and thank you for the prayers already. I
know that this would be impossible without them. And at the lesson we had with
her, we went and showed her the font. One of our branch missionaries was there
because the priesthood always do an ice cream social before their
session, and so they were there. Judy said that while she was at the font, she
could feel the Spirit even stronger than when she finished the Book of
Mormon, which is a lot. She also told us that while we are in the church
building, she can see a glow around the heads and shoulders of the people that
are in the building. Ahhh. She is amazing. And, we are getting her ready for
the temple. She wants to be baptized for her mom, who has been gone for
about 3 years. How awesome is that. She is already looking toward a temple
marriage. There are not enough words in all the world to describe this woman. I
love her so much!!!!
3.) Conference: I loved it. I
learned a lot. And how many of you picked up the idea that we need to
keep our covenants more fiercely, and to also do missionary work. Because
when we went into that water, we promised to do as the Savior did. Did he just
sit around and wait for the apostles to do all the work? NO!!!! He got up and
went to work, showing them how to do it. He called others to repent, and
healed, and fought tooth and nail for what He thought was right. What are
you doing? Are you sitting around, waiting for someone else to feed the
missionaries? Are you going out with them to teach. Are you praying
for missionary experiences? When was the last time you said anything about
revelation you received on FB or twitter? Brothers and Sisters, the missionary
work begins with you. Like was said, pick one person to pray for, and then
do it. Pray to find something to invite them over for, and do it. And then pray
for the strength to ask them to meet the missionaries. And DO IT!!! Don't
wait for me or for someone else to find those people. I, as a missionary, can't
do it alone. We need help, and we need your help. You made covenants, binding
contracts with GOD HIMSELF!!!! to do His work here on Earth. Remember that.
4.) Brianna: This week, I feel like
we have had a breakthrough. She has constantly been telling us that she doesn't
feel ready to be baptized. I finally asked her how she is going to know when
she is. She was very correct when she told us that she was waiting for a
testament from the Holy Ghost. We asked her if she had prayed specifically for
that. She aid no. Well then, how do you get that if you don't ask? You don't. Anyway,
that is her commitment this week. So, when we go talk to her, I am praying that
she will have receive that answer she has been waiting for. She reminds me so
much of me, it blows my mind. Ok, %.) Well, I think that is all for this week. I
love you all. Keep up being so amazing. I have a firm testimony of miracles. They
come every day, in the rising of the sun, and the whisper of the wind. They
come in forms like finding Utah Mormons in Italy at a Subway. They come in
people feeling the Holy Ghost and receiving revelation for themselves and those
they love. They come when we least expect them and need them most. I know that
God is a God of miracles, and that His work is moving forward. In the Name of
Jesus Christ, Amen.
Love, Sister Worthen
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