Monday, October 28, 2013

"Head Banging" - Letter, October 28, 2013

So, there have been a few moments this past week where I just want to bang my head into the wall, because that might feel better than real life. Not really, but it has been a long week.

1. Judy: So on Monday evening, we left for Hamilton, about 30 min. away for exchanges with our Sister Training Leader. Our first night there, her sister sent us a message at about 11:45 and told us that Judy is missing. I didn't find out until morning, but at that point, I was freaking out. I didn't know what was going on, or where she went, or anything. So anyway, on Wednesday, after we came back from Hamilton, we went to her boyfriend's house to see if she was there. She was. Mahhhh!!!! Anyway, we met up with her on Friday and had a good lesson. We read from Alma 27. I love that chapter. The people of Ammon are my favorite group in the Book of Mormon. Anyway, if you read it, it is her story so much. But ya, she is doing 'ok'. We are just kind of at a standstill as to where to get her moved to. Blah

2. Brianna: She broke my heart last night. She went to Indiana last week to get her dad to give her permission. He told her that he wanted her to think about it some more. He didn't say no, but he didn't say yes. So we had a lesson with her and we talked about prophets and then we talked about baptism. She asked if she could be frank with us and told us that the she doesn't feel ready, and that she can't set a goal because she won't be ready by that goal. I told her that if she won't, not can't, work toward it, she won't be ready. Mah. That drives me nuts. If you won't work toward a goal, then how can you be ready?! You can't. I didn't yell that at her like I was inside my head. Hahahah. But anyway, it broke my heart because she doesn't to work toward a goal, and she doesn't want to talk about baptism anymore because the more we push, the harder she pulls. And the thing is, every time we talk about it, we feel the spirit so strong. I kinda feel like she is waiting for neon light in the sky telling her it's time. I don't mean to bash on her, I am just expressing how I feel. I love her so much that it kills me. I know what Heavenly Father feels for her, on a much smaller scale because I would explode if I felt all His love for her, but I want her to understand how amazing and wonderful she is. So I just want to hit my head against something hard. Dad always told me that if I had pain, he would injure me somewhere else. That would make the first one go away. Hahahahah (My dad is not psychotic or cruel) But I love her so much it hurts, and I just want to stop hurting and feel only love and peace. I have a long 14 months ahead of me. Hahahah

I don't know what else to say. It has been a long and interesting week. I love so much the people around me that sometimes, I am afraid I might explode. There are moments when I want to hit my head on something or punch the wall or scream at the top of my lungs. And then there are the wonderful moments when all is well, and I know that I am doing the right thing. I know that God hears our prayers. When we do what is right and when we do so know that God will bless us, we are given so much. God does know us, and He knows what we need. I know these things in the Name of Jesus Christ, Amen

Love, Sister Worthen

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